The Hunger Games  Parody
by MyNameIsSomething
Summary: This is what I had seen in my mentally challenged mind while I was reading the book... It will contain violence, but then again, what doesn't?  The whole book will be spoofed.Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**I have just finished reading **_**Mockingjay **_**the last book of The Hunger Games trilogy. It was a seriously AMAZING book series. Maybe the best books I've ever read...**

**Anyways, I loved them so much I cannot stop thinking about the series. So, I decided to make a parody of The Hunger Games - Book 1. Enjoy...:))**

When I wake the other side of the bed is gone. I guess Butterbutt ate it. I always hated that ugly tiger. My sister, Pram, had found Butterbutt in the woods one day. His name came from the soft fur he has. Like butter and a baby's butt. I didn't have anything against Butterbutt, but my family just couldn't afford to feed another mouth. A huge mouth.

I tried to kill him a year ago with my rifle, but he just wouldn't die. Pram ran in the room when I was just about to finish Butterbutt off with a clean shot through the skull, and I accidently shot her in the leg.

She had told me that I either kill both of them or spare them both. Well, just when I was about to commit a double homicide, my mother came in and told me to leave them alone. Since then, Butterbutt has hated me with a passion. But even though I was going to murder her, Pram still loves me. Such a naive person.

I get up off the bed and notice Pram asleep with my mother, Butterbutt protecting them at the foot of the bed. I have the urge to murder him. Instead I grab my hunting geer and am about head out the door when I notice something wrapped in tissue paper on our kitchen table. We can't even afford tissue paper,

I open a note next to the item that says,

_Katniss, It's that time of year again. You know, THAT DAY. So here's a little something for you. I hope you don't get killed in the woods today. Or you'll be in sooo much trouble._

_Pram._

I open the wrapped item. A coupon to Babies 'R' Us. Yes, new diapers for me! I put the coupon in my pocket and head for the woods. When I get there I go to the tree with the giant sign that says, ' HERE ARE KATNISS EVERDEAN'S BOW AND ARROWS, WHICH SHE USES TO HUNT ILLEGALLY IN THESE WOODS!HERE! HERE! HERE!' I smirk no one has found them yet. They've been here for about four years.

I grab my arrows and go to the spot where Gole and I always meet.

" Hey kitty litter." He says when he sees me. I smile. That's Gole's nickname for me. When we first met here four years ago when I was only twelve, he had asked me what my name was. I was intimdated by this boy who was two years older than me, so I spoke my name too quietly for him to hear me clearly. But I still don't know how he could've mistaken KATNISS, with KITTY LITTER.

Oh, well. He says my nickname suits me well.

**HOW WAS IT? I know it's a little short, BUT, the next chapter might be up in like one or two days...**

**Hope you enjoyed! XD**

**- Someone**


	2. Chapter 2

**The next chapter of the parody... Enjoy :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING, EXCEPT FOR IDEA OF THE PARODY.**

" Have you caught anything yet, Gole?" I ask him.

" Totally!" Gole says in a girly voice. " Look!" He points to a Dora doll... hanging in a tree with an arrow through her skull.

" Awsome! I'll make sure to make a nice stew with her later." I say.

" Here, I brought some treats for us." Gole takes out some moldy bread. " I got it from the bakery this morning. I traded some winnie the pooh bears for it."

" Gole, how come you have so many stuffed animals?"

" Because Katniss, when I'm lonely, I talk to them, you silly girl!"

" Oh yeah." I suddnely remember a day, about two years ago when I had come over to Gole's house.

_Flashback_

_I walk into Gole's house, and his mom, Bob, tells me he is in his room waiting for me. I go to his room, but when I am I about to open it, I hear whispers inside._

' Who could Gole be talking to?' _I had thought._

_I peeked in a crack in his door and I see Gole... talking to his Elmo doll. And Dora. _

_" Yes, I know you're my friend Elmo. But remember, Katniss if my best, _HUMAN, _friend."_

_Then Gole had turned to Dora. "No! No, Dora I'm not racist against stuffed and real people. No, you are real, just a bit more... squishy."_

_" Fine! Be that way!" Then Gole had thrown Dora and Elmo trough his window. It was raining outside._

_I opened the door._

_" Hi, Gole."_

_"Hey, kitty litter."_

_End of Flashback _

I suddenly felt uncomfortable around Gole.

" SO! Gole, what else did you hunt down?" I ask him.

" WHAT'S IT TO YA?" He suddenly shouts.

" Whoa, Gole calm down."

" You're right, I'm sorry Katniss."

" It's oka-"

" SHOVE IT!"

" I find your language very offensive."

" Sorry, I'll try to control myself." Gole says sadly.

" Don't sweat it." I reply.

" I'LL KILL YOU AND I WON'T REGRET IT IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP!" Gole looks about ready to rip my head off.

" So, how's life?" He says calmly. As if everything was fine and he didn't just threaten to kill me.

" Um."

" Hey, want to go into down to trade these pieces of grass I found on the ground. They're VERY rare."

I nodded.

**So, yeah. I know, don't kill me okay. I don't think this one was all that funny. I will try to uptade more often... but for now check out an AWSOMELY funny story about MAXIMUM RIDE, by my buddy- Shear. It's called **_**The**__**Messed Up Flock **_**by Shear Thorndike**_**- **_**So go read it now! GO! GO! GO!**

**p.s. If you have any funny ideas for The Hunger Games Parody, please feel free to tell me and they might just end up in my story! :O**


	3. Chapter 3

**Yo! Here you go peoples! I'm so, so, so very sorry that I can't uptade sooner but my friend borrowed my Hunger Games book so I have to pull all of this stuff out by memory. And It's a Holiday Season, yes busy, busy, busy. :( Enjoy...**

**DISCLAIMER: ****once again I don't own the best book I've ever read-The Hunger Games.**

As Gole and I walk along the Seam, Geeky Sae, a woman who has always traded our hunting stuff, waves at us. Gole gives her the finger.

WELL.

Gole and I decide to give the pieces of grass to the Mayor. He has a thing for grass. And his daughter Badge, has a thing for Gole. Shudder.

I like Gole, he's like a brother to me. But through my eyes Gole is like Bob the Builder. As a woman.

Anyway, Badge is this rich girl who is in my class, we usually partner up for activities, eat lunch together, share our darkest secrets, rob banks together, and I didn't hate her. But she is not my friend. Nope, not at all.

Hm. As we were entered the richer part of District 12, (meaning the people who can afford bathrooms), Badge spots us and a huge smile brakes upon her face.

" GOLE!" She practiacly screams, as she runs for her little life toward us.

" Crap." Gole barely gets the word out before Badge plows herself onto him. Ouch. I felt the wind on that one. Poor Gole. Ha.

" Hey Badge, nice shirt." I say as I notice the expensive looking shirt she wears, that reads, _YOU RACIST?_.Of course, shirts like these are only worn on special occasions. Occasions like the Bleeping Games.

I know what your thinking, _'Oh, what an AWSOME name! '_Well it's not. At all.

The Bleeping Games are basiaclly a series of games that happen every year in Manem (Panem). We call it the 'bleeping' games because every district in Manem has to sacrifice a tribute boy and girl for the games, and usually after someone's child is chosen they say, "BLEEP!" And since in the Bleeping Games are sorta like a fight to the death, evertime you get hurt you cry out- "Bleep!"

Anyways, I am confident that I'm not going to get chosen to go to the Bleeping Games this year, I only have my name in there 145 times. I mean REALLY. Scoff, I'm awsome.

**Okay, this is just a short quick chapter, MERRY CHRISTMAS!. I know it's not much, BUT I'm going to give you an AWSOME New Year's gift. Promise. See ya lata. XD**


	4. Chapter 4

**HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2011, OH YEAH! Anyways, here you go guys! Enjoy..:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything, wanna know why? Because life hates me!**

After a while of smacking, punching, biting, and yes stabbing, Gole and I had finally tied Badge to a nearby tree.

"Gosh, will she ever leave me alone?" Gole says as we walk back to the mayor's house. " Like, really, I know I'm, like, totally, like, awsome and everything, but, like, y'know it gets old after a while."

"Riiiiight." I say.

Gole stops and looks at me. "What is that supposed to mean?" He says.

I roll my eyes. "Gole, look at the facts. You talk to stuffed animals, you're bipolar, you talk like a teenage girl sometimes, and you can get pretty creepy. You're not _awsome, _okay?"

"Fine!" Gole throws down a pink purse on the floor that I had not noticed before and runs away. Wow.

Oh, well. Better make the most of it. I open the purse and take out his money, put it in my pocket, and then put the purse back on the floor. Then once again I head for the mayor's house.

When I get there I ring the bell, but it is not the mayor who answers- it's Badge.

"Whaa..?" I look back at the tree Gole and I had tied her up in and all I see is the bloody rope that we had trapped her in.

"Hey Katniss." Badge says.

"Um hey, here- these are for your father." I hand her the pieces of grass. All five of them.

"Thanks." She says, she then gives me 1,000 dollers in cash. I still thinks it's a small amount for the grass I gave her, but hey, I robbed Gole and I had enough money.

"Oh, Katniss," Badge says as she fishes around her pocket for something. "Look at what I got." She takes out a small black book-about half the size of my palm. On the front cover it reads, _The Hunger Games. _Hmmm. Games where you eat? Shrug.

"It's supossed to be an anti-war book." Badge says.

"Interesting." I say. Not.

"And look," She takes out a small pin from her other pocket. In solid gold there is a circle surounding a...toilet? Oh, my gosh. I want that. _**Really**_ bad. I'm going to have to mug it from her later. But now is not the time.

As I head back to my house, I see that Gole is yet again next to me.

"Hey, Gole. Am I forgiven?"

"What?" He says turning to me.

"You know, the your not awsome speech?"

"Oh, Kitty Litter, you silly girl. That never happened. Just like when you said that you have a 12- year old sister, that your dad died, and that you're not in love with my Elmo doll."

I just stared at Gole. "Gole, you're the one who is in love with your Elmo doll. Remember Halloween two years ago?"

_Flashback_

_I am a little scared to go to Gole's house again, after the talking to stuffed animals incident, but Gole is my best friend (sadly), so I go anyway. Gole's mom, Bob, is already out trick-or-treating with Gole's siblings. It's just me and him now. I once I again hear strange noises coming from Gole's room. _OH, WHAT NOW?

_Gole's door is open so I just stand in the doorway. And there he is, with his back to me. But even with him not facing me, I see that he is being Elmo for Halloween. He picks his Elmo doll up and kisses it in the head. _

_"I love you Elmo." He says. Then he turns around._

_"KATNISS!" He yells. "YOU SCARED THE FRIGGIN' SPRITE OUT IF ME! I HATE YOU. No you're my best friend. WELL NOT ANYMORE. No, I'm being too harsh. WELL I DON'T CARE. Yes I do. NO I DON'T! Gole calm yourself. YOU CALM YOURSELF! Hey Kitty Litter."_

_"Sprite?" Is all I say._

_Flashback_

"So?" Gole presses.

"Nevermind, Gole. I'm going to go get ready for the Bleeping Games reaping." I say.

"OOOOH. You cuuuused!" Gole accuses me.

" No I didn't, I said _bleeping_!"

"OOH! You did it again. I'm going to tell my mommy!" He screams as he sprints away. Loser.

**Gole=tattletale**

**No, he's not a loser. He's just a bit more.. squishy. Just kidding, but anyways hope you enjoyed. Am I crazy? Maybe. But hey it's awsome being a freak! Next chapter will be up sometime this week, but I'm not sure because I'm writing another chaper to my other story, THE RABBIT. So yeah... See ya lata! XD**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello, my lovely readers. No, I hate you all. Just kidding you're all awsome. Here's the next chapter of THGP. Enjoy... :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Promise.**

" Ow. Ow, OW. FREAKING OW!" I yell as my thing of a mother does my hair. Gosh, she wants to like tear it out!

" Hold still Katniss." She says. Then she smacks the back of my head. A while later, my mother turns me around to face her. " Jeez, you have a face only a mother could love, and I don't love it." My mother was never the one for kind words of encouragment. I still couldn't believe that she was a doctor. I mean weren't doctors supposed to help people?

"Gee, thanks mom." My voice laced with sarcasm.

" Your welcome."

"Pram what do you think?" I turn toward her. I know that she will say something that will cheer me up, she thinks that everything was beautiful.

"You're ugly." She says without hesitation.

"WELL." I say. "You too."

"Girls." My mom warns.

"That thing is not a girl." I say looking at Pram. "It is a gorrilla back."

My mom rolls her eyes and mutters about why she couldn't of had normal kids. **A/N: Much like my own mother! :D**

"Here Katniss, wear this." My mother throws me a pale white dress... covered in dark red splotches.

"Ummm...mom, please tell me that those are red paint stains." I say.

"No! Of course not you silly girl. I'm not THAT stupid. I was drunk one night at a bar and got into a fight with this annoying guy, so I stabbed him a couple times and was always too lazy to ever wash it out. Now you'll get to wear it!"

"Did the guy like...die?" I ask.

"Of course he did! But don't worry, I hid the evidence." My mom smiles at me with pride.

Pram and I slowly take a few steps back.

After my mom agreed to be my slave for a whole week, I finally agree to wear the dress. Now I had to fix Pram's clothes. The hand-me-down shirt that I had given her was like WAY too big for her. Scoff, she looked like Effing Tricycle (Effie Trinket). Effing always wore shirts that were too big for her.

He, he...hippie is a funny word. Where did that come from...?

"Tuck your tail in you little...well I have a strange urge to call you a duck. I'll just settle for fat hippo."

Pram smiles. For some reason unknown to me.

As we leave the house, I give Butterbutt one last look that says, _One day I'll kill you. _And then a bow and arrow magically appear in my hands. I grin and shoot Butterbutt. But miss. Crap.

**That was fast! Hope you enjoyed. :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**'Sup peoples! Enjoy the next chapter of THGP. :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Really. **

"Stop pushing!"

"Don't touch me."

"Go fall into a well!"

"Go get shot!"

"EW. YOU'RE UGLY DON'T TOUCH ME!."

This is what every year is like in the Bleeping Games Reaping. A bunch of children ages 12-18, crowded together so much that people can't stand it and fights break out.

I want to pick a fight with someone. I turn to some girl next to me.

"Why don't you do us all a favor and go get runover." I say to her.

"Yeah, that'll happen in a hundred years." She snarls.

"Good, I'll be waiting."

"I hope-" She starts.

"What? That your butt would stop being so big?"

Before the girl gets a chance to say anything, Effing is on the stage, her bald head as shiny as ever.

"Ladies and Gentleman! The reaping for the Bleeping Games is here once again!"

"Yeah. So!" Some teenage guy grabs a rock from the floor and launches it toward Effing. It hits her square on the head. Ha.

"Who did that!" Effing screeches now with a huge bleeding womb on her forehead.

Another guy called out, "YOUR MOM!"

Then Haystack (Haymitch) comes onto the stage.

"Stop it..eh, light bulb. No more throwing...stuff. Unicorns and chiwawas. I don't like the Bleeping Games. Reaping. Remote controls...he, he, he...pillows and lotion. I'm not drunk..he, he, he...cardboard boxes and staplers. NO! Only Visa cards. My name is Haystack. I guess my mother didn't love me. He, he, he." Haystack then falls off the stage flat on his face. Everybody ignores him.

"Anyways," Effing continues in that silly capitol accent. "Time to annouce our girl

tribute!"

Effing walks toward the huge circular bowl that has all of the poosible tribute names. "And our girl tribute is..." Effing takes out a crisp white piece of paper. "Gole Hawkface?"

"OH MY GOSH!" Gole screeches. "I CAN'T BE CHOSEN! DON'T MAKE ME GOOOO. WAAAA. NOOOO!WAAAA. Please. I'm not even a girl. I hope."

"FINE!" Effing explodes. "JUST SHUT UP AND STOP WHINING!"

Gole looks very hurt. Ha.

"Our new GIRL tribute is..." Effing reaches into the bowl again. "Pramrock Cheddercheese."

Pretend that this is said in slow motion.

"NOOOOOO!" I run up the stage where Pram is slowly walking up. But I trip.

Pram walks up to Effing and says, "Can I please not go? I know someone WAY uglier than me that can take my place. Trust me-EVERYONE hates her."

Effing smiles. "Who?" She asks.

Pram grins and points directly at me. "My sister, Katniss Cheddercheese. She is very horrible and disgusting."

WTH.

"Of course she is." Effing says delighted."Come, Katniss. You ugly beast. Pram you may go."

I slowly get to my feet and go up the stage. I see my mother, as terrible as ever. She is crying! She will actually miss me! But then I realize that she is crying _and laughing._ She hates me. Pram is smiling evily at me. Gole is the only one who truly looks sad. But that doesn't mean squat to me.

Effing announces the next tribute in a shrill voice. "Peeta Maplesyrup."

OH NO. NOT HIM.

I remember all those years ago. When I first noticed Peeta Maplesyrup.

_Flashback_

_My father had just died the week before and my family was slowly starving. I was going to trade some of Pram's used diapers, but nobody wanted them. It was raining and my low self esteem wasn't helping. I was reduced to looking for food in people's garbage cans._

_Before I knew it, I was looking through the baker's trash._

_Then the baker's wife threw her door open and almost shot me with her gun. "GET AWAY!" She had screamed. "GO! SHOO! I'm so tired of hobos going through my trash! SCREW YOU!"_

_I ran away and hid behined a tree in their backyard. So what if they found me? I was going to starve anyway. Then I heard the back door open. And a low, "Katniss." It was not the baker's wife's voice. It was a boy's voice. I came out from behined the tree._

_Peeta was holding a loaf of bread. He snickered and then said, "LOOK AT ME. I have food and you don't! Ha, HA , HA!" Then he shoved as much bread as he could into his mouth. But choked a little. I went up to him, beat him up, and took his bread. That day I realized mugging people was the way to go._

_End of flashback_

Peeta didn't meet my eyes as he came up to the stage. WELL.

"Peeta and Katniss! District 12's tributes! And may the odds, um... picture frames and air conditioner..?" Haystack had finally regained his conscience.

It finally sunk in. I was going to the Bleeping Games. OH BLEEP!

**Bleep indeed. Well, what did ya think? And question-what is your New Year resolution? Hope you enjoyed! See ya lata...XD**


	7. Chapter 7

**HEY! Next chapter of THGP is here. Enjoy...:D**

**Disclaimer:I do not own anything...XD**

The mayor finally showed up to to read the Treaty Of Doom, it's required to be read aloud every year for the Bleeping Games. But it's the same thing every year. BORING.

"Citizens of District 12, these are your tributes. And as you can recall we haven't won in over 20 years." Wait. This wasn't in the treaty...?

The mayor continues. "So what makes us think that we can win this year? I'll answer that. NOTHING. So in all do respect," He turns to Peeta and I. "You're screwed." He says directly at us. WELL.

The anthem of Manem plays (just imagine the Dora theme song) and right after it's over Peacekeepers come and drag Peeta and I away from the stage. Before long I was alone in a very large room. It was the most expensive looking place that I had been in in my whole life. I mean...THEY HAD A TOILET!

Anyways, after a while I got a little bored, so I took out my phone.

Girl_On_Fire: Like OMG, I'm going to the Bleeping Games this year. Other than the 99.9% chance of me getting brutally murdured, I think it'll be really fun. :)

Barney_Rocks_4EVER: Hi.

Girl_On_Fire: Hi...?

Barney_Rocks_4EVER: Barney rocks.

Girl_On_Fire:...

Barney_Rocks_4EVER:Um..I think I just crapped myself. Gotta go. :(

Girl_On_Fire has left due to "Some idiot ruining my good mood."

Barney_Rocks_4EVER: :'(

Barney_Rocks_4EVER has left due to "Umm..I crapped myself. I had to go ask my mother if she could change it."

Wow, whoever that was, they had some serious issues.

All of a sudden, the door opened and my mother and Pram came in. They looked at me blankly for about three seconds and then left. WELL.

Next the baker was here. "Katniss," he says as he stands in the doorway."I realize that you are worried about your mother and sister not having enough food to survive.

"I'm really not." I say.

"Well, I just wanted you to know- I'll keep them well fed."

My eyes widen. "No! Please don't. They don't deserve it! Let them starve.!"

"I can't do that Katniss, it's not the right think to-" Before he could finish his sentence I wack his head with a bat that I always carry around with me and then shove his body under the seat. He isn't dead. Yet. I just can't let him feed my family. Let them die. Muahahaha!

Peanut butter and old people?

Then Gole is here. "Katniss!" He wails.

Oh no. Here we go again. Crybaby.

"I don't want you to die! You're my only friend." He hands me a card in an envolope. "Don't open it until you're almost dead. Try to hide it, so that they can't take it away from you."

I stuff the envolope in my pocket. Even though my dress doesn't have any pockets. Magic. I'm not crazy...he, he, he.

"Bye Katniss." Gole says sadly in a baby voice. "Don't die."

"Look Gole, if you want friends, you're going to have to ditch your personality. You can't cry every five minutes. Or love Barney. You have got to start wearing underwear, NOT diapers. You're 18 for crying out loud! Start acting like it." Gosh, I so feel like his mother right now.

"Okay." Gole says and then hugs me. "Bye Kitty Litter."

"Bye Gole. And I won't die." Maybe.

Sigh. I won't miss him.

Now Badge is here. "KATNISS!" She screams. She is wearing the toilet pin.

Before she can say anything else, I wack her with the bat upside the head and take the pin. Then I shove her body under the seat with the baker. Ha.

A Peacekeeper shows up at my door. "I'm ready." I say.

I make my face expressionless, I don't want anyone to see how scared I really am. Pee...I mean Peeta seems happy for some odd reason. Smirking the whole way there. At the train station cameras are being shoved in our faces and I flip everone the bird. Take THAT Capitol.

On the train ride we are told to stay in our rooms and that we are only aloud to use the bathroom twice for the whole ride to the Capitol. My bladder is NOT that small. The train had to be going at at least 250mph and I just couldn't resist.

I quietly slipped out of my room and into opened a window. After a few minutes, as someone was passing by, I pushed them out of the window.

"AHHHHHHahhhh!" Their screams soon faded away. I chuckled. That was funny. I guess I take after my mother.

"What the heck did you just do?" I had not noticed Pee..._Peeta_, was here.

"I just pushed a guy out of a window Pee. I bet he DIED. Wanna be next?" I ask.

"What did you just call me?" He says coldly.

"PEE!" I snarl.

"I'll KILL you!" He screams.

"Oh really? Look at me I'm FREAKING shaking. I'm SOO flippin' scared!" I throw a knife that had magically appeared in my hand at him. It missed. But he got pissed. He, he, that ryhmed.

Effing came in and shot us both. "JUST SHUT UP!" She yelled. "And be ready by supper. In one hour."

I ignored the blood gushing out of my stomach and left.

At supper Pee and I did not talk to eachother at all.

"At least you two have some decent manners." Effing remarks.

I grab a handful of mashed potatoes and launch it at her face.

"BALDY McBALD BALD!" I screech at her and then I leave. Why? 'Cause I felt like it. But not before a drunk Haystack appears at the entrance.

He barfs and passes out. I turn to Peeta. "You will wash him."

Peeta throws his fork at me, and it stabs me in the cheek.

"CHILD ABBUSE!" I yell. "I WILL press charges."

Peeta smirks and then leaves the room. Effing will wash Haystack then.

I refuse to be scarred for life.

I want pudding.

**So did you like it? I will update soon! XD**

**BTW: My little brother says, "Hi." He's just too cute. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks to everyone for the awsome reviews! They made me happy! And of course your patience. :D New Chapter! And I'm sorry I couldn't update sooner, BUT I just finished my friggin' science project! HOOR- freaking-YAY! Anyways, now I'll be able to update sooner XD Enjoy...XD.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. **

The rest of the ride was TORTURE to say the least. Pee kept on bragging about how amzing he was, and how he can throw things so far away. Blaah! Blaaah! Blah.I just wanted to shoot an arrow through his thick skull.

Effing washed Haystack and trust me, she is scarred for life. She goes around the trian muttering about how she will never look at Haystack the same way again. Chuckle.

After what seems like for- EVA we finally arrive at the Capitol. It's about time! MAJOR SCOFF.

As Effing, Haystack, Peeta, and I make our way to the exit of the train, PEE shoves me away from the door so that he can get out first. That's it. I throw myself on top of him as he steps out of the train.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Pee screams as I claw at his face while clinging to his back.

"HEY HOOLAGIN!" Haystack calls out to me as I continue to asult Peeta.

"You phycopath, diaper-sniffing, butt-licking, midget-stomping, family-starving, mentally-challenged, gorilla back...thing!" Peeta yells. **WELL**

"I am not a butt licker!" I oppose. Not the best answer.

Everyone stopped shouting at once and turned to me. Even Peeta stoopped struggling.

"Wait," Peeta says. "Doesn't that mean that you're everything else? Just not a butt licker?"

"Um." Was my only response. Well I didn't wanna lie, do I?

I slide off of Peeta's back.

" Well?" Effing asks

" Um." I repeat

Haystack shakes his head. " Loser." He mumbles.

I huffe and follow Effing and Peeta to meet our stylists. GOSH, poeple these days.

**Later that day**

"HOLY CRAP, OW!"

"AAAHHHHHHHH"

"NO, NO ,NO!"

"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?"

"Geez, girlfriend! Stay still! We're just trying to rid you of all your body hair! You're like a gorrila." Says one of my stylists. Venus (Venia). Ha. Her parents must have hated her.

"Well you're doing very well, if you ask me!" Another one of my stylists says. Flabby (Flavius).

Now that's just wrong.

But my personal favorite stylist is Octagon (Octavia) also known as Octopus.

Apparently though I can't meet my main stylist until I am 'decent looking'. Huff.

"You know guys, I think Katniss is ready to meet China. (Cinna). My stylists left, and China came in shortly after.

He eyes me curiously. Like I'm an orange or something...

"Call me Cinna...mon buns." China says as he shakes my hand. "I like you hair." He says as he admires my awsome foot long mohawk. That I died green. With blue tips. Oh yeah, I'm so cool.

"But we're going to have to get rid of it." He says.

My face drops. I hate him already.

"I had a cat named fattoiletpaperface. He was so cute. But he died. Car accident. Yeah... I shouldn't of given him the keys, he was so drunk that night." Cinnamon Buns comments as he "fixes" my hair.

"I have a tiger named Butternut...I mean Butterbutt. Yeah Butterbutt. Or is it...?" I honestly cannot remember the ugly tiger's name.

"Oh well, that's not important." I continue while Cinnamon buns dies my hair a different color. "Anyways, one day the tiger was really getting on my nervers and so you see I kind of tried to..well you know, to shoot it. Kill it. Murder. Blood. You get the point.

"So here's the funny thing, I was just about to finish it off when Pram, my ugly and horrible younger sister, showed up. She kept whining about world peace, global warming, and not to mention jail. So she screamed to kill them both or not kill them at all. So, I picked to logical one. Murder them both and make it look like the tiger killed Pram, and then shot itself. Shut up. But my terrible mother came in just when I was about to fulfill my destiny and she told me to quit it. Gosh, mothers ruin it all, right? By the way chicken poop is awsome."

No answer.

"Cinn?"

I look around the little room. No one is there.

"WELL." Then I hear voices outside of my door.

"She talks so much! I mean 'my tiger, kill it, Pram, mother'. WHO THE CRAP CARES?"

Cinnamon buns.

A - hole.

"Well you're going to have to deal with that beast and make her look good for the interview with C-man (Ceasar)."

Haystack.

"Fine! But I wish I had gotten the boy. He at least is awsome."

_Awsome? Peeta? _**WTF.**

Cinnamon Buns comes back in with a smile so fake it's enough to rot your teeth.

I plaster my own fake smile on.

"Hey, Cinn." I say sweetly. I'm sooo going to murder him later. Now is not the time. I put my gun away.

"Hey, girlfriend."

In the end my hair looks HORRIBLE.

It's straight and black and glossy and just plain WRONG.

"You look like a shaven monkey with beautiful hair." China says with tears in his eyes.

"You look like a pregnant buffalo on steriods." I retort.

"What did just call me?" Cinn cries out.

"READ MY LIPS." I say. "YOU ARE GOING TO END UP IN A DITCH WITHOUT A HEAD, 'K? I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND THEN KILL PEE...ta."

And then I snapped my fingers in a z for-ma-tion.

"Woah dude. You just got pwned...er, sassed." Some random guy tells Cinnamon Buns.

China scowls and then smiles, _actually smiles._

Oh crap, what now?

"Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, dear." He says tightly. "Go have dinner with your mentor and I'll see you later with your outfit. Now run along. Bye. Go. Shoo. Screw off."

And my awsome comeback is, "Lysol, disinfect to protect."

During dinner Peeta comes in with his stylist Portion (Portia).

He brags about how great his costume is coming up.

Finally I can't take it anymore. Okay I can. Still. "Hey Peeta."

"Yeah?" He says not even looking at me.

"SHOVE IT." I say then I throw and apple at him. It lands right in his mouth.

Peeta then launches himself across the table and laches his hands onto my neck.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" He cries like the psycho maniac he is. And the thing is-_no one does anything._

:O

I grab a butter knife and stab him.

"AHHHHH!" He lets go and clutches at his injury. I rather not say where. Use your imagination...

"AWW! It was just getting good! Markers and mom...?" Haystack drunkenly complains. Kind of.

At the same time Cinnamon Buns comes in and exclaims, " Ratni- uh, Katniss! Sweety, your outfit is ready!"

And my costume does not resemble District 12's coal or even just black dust that I would have to wear naked. Not even the mockingjay outfit I had read in a book once.

It was a costume of a pregnant buffalo on steroids.

And I LOVED IT.

"OH MY CLEANING SUPPLIES! I FREAKING LOVE IT!" And with that said I threw myself at Cinn and gave him the hug that my mother would never have. Ha. Loser.

"Wait. WHAT? You like it?" Cinnamon Buns slowly steps away from me. "B-but. You and murder and... FREAK!" he runs away back to the dressing room.

Aww. He is just too dumb.

I tried on my buffalo outfit. Yeah, I got dressed in front of everyone...

But hey, it was a perfect fit!

"Look out world!" I exclaim. "Katniss Cheddercheese will slowly kill you all! She is Girl On Steroids!" Then I pin the toilet on my suit.

**SO! Waddaya think? I think this one could have been a little better, but OK. :) I'll update as soon as I can, which can hopefully be sometime this week! See Ya Lata**

**:D**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey peoples! How's it going? Thanks once again for being so very awsome, you're reviews really touched me. *sniff*. Okay new chapter, Enjoy... :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

After the buffalo incident, Peeta and I are told to go change into our official costumes. It seems that my suit is more than just a buffalo.

I have to be lit on fire too. BUT. The good news is that Peeta has to be on fire also. Apparently "girl on steroids is a bad role model" and "we don't want any law suits this year, do we?" SCOFFITY SCOFF SCOFF. So I guess fire is the way to go.

"Don't worry." China says as he drenches my buffalo costume with gasoline. "I won't let you get first degree burns."

"Five degree burns are better." I hear him mutter. WELL.

"I'll light you up right before you enter the city." Cinnamon Buns says. "Now get in the chariot with Pee...Ta." He clears his throat.

"Ha. You might as well said get in the chariot with urine boy." I chuckle as I leave the room.

When Peeta and I meet outside the chariot I finally get to see what his costume is. I almost die with laughter. He...is...a...little girl! With a lollipop in one hand and a little purple puse in the other. He even has pink lip gloss on! He has a pink dress and a pair of very high heels. Not to mention PIG TAILS XD.

"HURRY!" Effing squeals like a monkey as she rushes Peeta and me in the chariot. "Today is a big, big, big, big, big-" I shove the chariot door in her face and then shoot her through the open winsow for good measure. Of course I roll the window up again

"Good one." Pee comments as we make our way through toward the city. "Hey, when we light up, I'll tear your costume off if you tear mine...?"

"Wait...? Doesn't that mean that we'll be..y'know...unclothed?" I look at him curiosly.

"Oh...yeah." He frowns.

"Idiot." I mutter. But seriously, lighting an ugly little girl is okay. But a pregnant buffalo? That's just wrong.

"So...about you're costume.." I trail off.

"Yeah... it wasn't my idea, okay?" He looks down.

I can't help it- I crack up.

"I"LL KILL YOU!" Peeta grabs my throat again and smashes my face against the window. Repeatedly.

"CHILD ABBUSE! CHILD ABBUSE!" I choke out everytime my face is not connected with the window.

"STALKERS AND FIVE STAR HOTELS! SPRING AND STICK PEOPLE! BANNANAS AND SEAWEED! FORMAT AND VERIZON! 4 CALORIES! DESTROYS BACTERIAL ODORS!" That's my way of yelling for help.

But nobody comes. And after a while Peeta gives up.

"Why won't you die!" He shouts in frustration. I punch him in the face and hit him with a shovel that has magically apeared in my hands. And this time I don't miss.

Finally, we arrive. China opens our door and does nothing to acknowledge our bruised and bloodied faces. Not to mention an unconscience urine. I mean Pee. I meant Peeta.

Okay so I mean Pee. So what? Sue me. Please don't sue me I'm just joking. *nervous laugh*

Noses and mud...? It's those voices again.

Cinn lights me on fire first. Then Peeta who has still not woken up. That could be a problem. Hmmm. Could be.

Nah.

I had to drag Peeta out of the chariot. And he fell on the ground. So I just dragged him around by his leg. Gosh, he was heavy. I mean seriously. Weight Watchers, maybe?

When we entered the City Circle, the people went wild. Well, first they were confused to see me dragging Peeta (not to mention he was on fire), but then I gave them the OK sign and everyone smiled. And then went wild.

People were chanting "KATNISS, KATNISS, KAT-FREAKING-NISS," Okay so I hope

that they were chanting my name because there were a lot of angry faces. And you know... flying bottles of alchohol being thrown toward me.

"SCREW YOU!" I hear someone say. I am about to throw a stick at whoever said that, but then I realize it was just some hobo. No need to throw sticks at hobos.

The fire gets hotter on my costume. Oh, crap.

Pee mumbles 'burning' on the ground. Ha.

_Yes Peeta , feel the burn, _I think.

Whatever.

After a while people stop chanting Katniss. And then start chanting, "Peeta the awsome! Peeta the great! You are unconcious. But will you still be my mate?"

The chants continue, "Katniss you're wrong! We sing you this song! We'll beat you anyday! In PING PONG!"

**WELL. **

**HUFF, SNARL, GROWL, SCOFF. **

Then I look down to see Peeta smirking up at me.

"HA, HA, HA!" He taunts me. "They LOVE me! They HATE YOU!" He falls into hysterics.

I step on his face.

Cinnamon Buns comes rushing to help precious Pee.

"Get of off him, butthead!" he shoves me out of the way, while he pours water over Peeta to put the fire out and then he helps him up.

_Butthead? ME?_

That hurts. That really hurts.

The only person who has really shown their non-hatred toward me is Gole. And I hate him. Well, I don't _hate _him. But I strongly dislike him.

The only way people will like me is if...maybe...I win the Bleeping Games. Maybe. I have to.

And that's when I vow that I will win.

Or, you know, die a hideous and painful death.

Haystack cuts in and takes me back to the place...the place where we have to go...the...um...the place.

I don't even get to see the other turtles. I mean tributes.

I guess I'll have to call Gole for entertainment.

In the Training Center, I am given a type a room that I am normally not used to. I mean on the walls it has posters of bunnies with guns. On the bed sheet there's a picture of a flying raccoon.** A/N: Go, flying RACCOONS! **

I sigh and decide to wait for Peeta to return and then try to end his life. Again. That's when I realize that I'm still on fire.

Five degree burns it is.

"Stop, drop, and roll, man!" Some random guy screams at me. I turn and see that he is halfway in my window. He face becomes serious. "Stop, drop, and roll, man." He whispers. And then he jumps out of my window. I'm on the 445 floor. Ha.

Kinda creepy. It's like the third time I've seen that gut. I mean _guy._

I'm going to call him Chad. Chhhhaaaaad. Giggle.

After I stop, drop, and of course roll I suddenly hear a scream outside of my door. Followed by an angry knock.

"I WILL RAPE YOU!" Says the voice. Peeta.

I swing the door open.

I narrow my eyes.

I pull out a steak knife.

I point it at Peeta.

I say, "What did you say?"

He holds his hands up defensively.

"Hey, chill out. I thought this was Haystack's room"

I stab him anyway and then close the door.

Tommorrow the training begins.

I don't like hotdogs.

_**Dinner time**_

While Effing is applying butter to her face (I don't know why) Haystack is getting drunk and our waiter has finally come to serve us.

"HEY! I know who you are!" I scream at the waiter.

Effing stops and turns to face me, "You know an Ox?"(Avox)

Peeta up chucks. "No, no, no! Of couse , he, NO. Never. No."

"No what?" I say.

He shrugs. Idiot.

Effing is still looking at me.

"Um, oh!" I laugh nervously. "That thing?" I point at the Ox.

"No, she just reminds me of someone. Um... Elmo."

_**Meanwhile at Gole's house**_

"Elmo feeling angry!" Elmo says as he beats Barney up.

While Dora is smoking.

It's been _days_ since Gole had played with them.

Elmo was right!

He is racist!

And he stopped crapping his pants?

_**Back at the training center**_

"Elmo?" Effing asks.

"Yeah.." I trail off.

After dinner Peeta stalks me to my room.

"What?" I say.

"Have you been to the roof, yet? I hear it's a great place for suicide."

I translate this into "lets go to the roof and try to kill each other".

"Okay." I agree.

Two mintues later we are looking down a t the Capital from the top of the Training Center.

I make the first move. I push Peeta over the edge and wait for the electric field to push him back.

But it doesn't.

And he falls.

Falls.

Falls.

"AAAHHHAAAAHHH!" His screams fade away.

Eh, he'll be alright.

"Goodnight, Urine Boy!" I shout after him.

He,he...urine is a finny word. I mean funny.

Gosh, I need some asprin.

I go back to my room and quickly fall asleep.

That night I dream about bunnies with machine guns, flying raccoons, and angry Elmos.

So it was a good night.

**LA. What did ya think? What happened to Gole? Remember, do not remember how to forget because then you'll forget how to remember! I'll update soon, See Ya Lata! XD**


	10. Chapter 10

***Ahem*...remember me..? Turns out I'm **_**not **_**dead. Yes, I know you all hate me. You want to rip my heart out, stomp on it, and make me watch Elmo...Slight problem...I don't want to die yet. I'm too young.**

**So much crap has been going on. My PC crashed and I lost all of my friggin' writing. So I got a new one. My brother got surgery. Summer vacation whoooo! And yeah. Sorry for taking so long! *tear* BUT I'M BACK! So as always, enjoy. **

**~Something.**

**Disclaimer:I. do. not. own. CRAP...this disclaimer kinda ruined the mood.**

**WAIT! HOLD THE PHONE.**

**PureAtHeart, thank you so much for defending my messed up writing against the anonymous reviewer. Means a lot to me. I'm not a COMPLETE failure. You can check out PureAtHeart's stories, she's an amazing author and one of the best people on this site...link below peoples**

**.net/u/2670236/PureAtHeart**

The next morning at breakfast, Peeta is being a whiny little a-hole. So he broke a few bones? 24 to be exact... So? Gosh, he just needs to SUCK. IT. UP. If you really think about that phrase...shudder.

Anyways.

"So-apart form your extreme stupidity, what are your skills that could lead to victory in The Bleeping Games?" Haystack asks as he turns to me.

WELL.

I gesture towards Peeta, broken bones and all. I can do that.

"OH. OH! I see how it is!" Peeta stands up and throws a plate at my face.

I move my head quickly to the left...and the plate hits me square in the face.

Ouch.

"Ha,Ha!" Peeta cheers. "Oh,yeah. Uh huh." He turns around and..*disturbed*..shakes his booty...

"Ugh! Keep the apples in the sack!" Haystack complains. "Lawyers and talking clouds..."

I narrow my beady little eyes.

"OK. JEEZ. NO. I DON'T CARE. YOU'RE JUST VOICES IN MY HEAD. YOU DON'T DESERVE RICE AND PIE!" Haystack's eyes twitch.

...

"Okay," Effing smooths her suit. "What are you skills?" She asks Peeta and me.

"I can throw things like really far. Like really. Far. Like _a lot. _Like-" Peeta rambles.

"FINE." Effing snaps. "How far?"

"'Bout a centimeter," Peeta shrugs. "No big deal."

"Loser." I mutter.

"And you?" Effing asks me.

"I can kill. Rape. Mug. Blackmail. Y'know things like that." I shrug. "No big deal."

"Okay. I've made up my mind." Haystack looks at us seriously. "You will both be training together."

"WHY?" Peeta demands like the brat he is.

"Because you're an ugly little girl and I said so!" Haystack retorts.

I snort.

"WHAT?" Peeta bursts out.

".Help." Haystack tells Peeta as his eye twitches. Twitch. Twitch. Twitch...

"IF I WERE A GIRAFFE WOULD I NEED HELP? I DON'T THINK SO! IT'S BECAUSE I'M A GIRL ISN'T IT? FINE. RASCIST!" Pee leaves the room.

Haystack's eyes twiches even more. "I need something to take my anger out." He mutters. Then he grabs Effing by the neck and throws her face against the table. "MOOSHEMELIKA!"

WHOO. Cheap entertainment.

I eat the rest of my breakfast as I continue to watch Haystack beat the crap out of Effing.

Haystack pauses for a moment. "Training begins in an hour. Don't be late or I'll get a camel on your...toothpaste." Haystack says.

"Whatever." I mutter as I get up.

_1 hour later_

"Calm yourself." I say as Peeta whimpers. "We're only going to th training center. To like _train_."

"B-but if I don't do well-I'll be called a loser!" He cries.

"Oh, Pee." I say chuckling. "You're already a sore loser. Forever."

Peeta sniffs. "You really mean that?"

"I really do."

"Thanks. That means a lot."

I wack him on the..."head"...with a bat.

Tonka trucks are freaking awsome.

_**In Gole's house**_

Gole's mom, Bob, was searching for Gole in the forest.

Why didn't she check his freaking room first, you ask?

Well...she's not the brightest potato in the suitcase.

"GOLE!" She screaches. "GGGOOLEEE!"

She gives up and hangs herself.

Meanwhile, Gole was in his room working out.

Working out, you ask?

Isn't Gole...y'know...weird...

Well...Gole has changed. A lot.

He now rapes Elmo and Dora dolls instead of playing with them.

He works out for 3 hours everyday.

He now wears boxers instead of little girl diapers.

And he stopped crapping his pants.

DUN. DUN. DUN.

_**Back in the training center**_

"OK! LISTEN UP FUGLIES!" The trainer person said. "THERE ARE MANY STATIONS HERE. YOU WILL GO TO THE STATIONS AND...TRAIN AND CRAP. SO, YEAH. GOOOO!"

This was going to be fun.

**LAAAAA. Teehee. Hope you enjoed...*eyebrow wiggle***


End file.
